SOCIAL: This is HYSTERICAL

[Amandeep Jawa]

This is so fantastic I can hardly believe it.  Thanks Cath Cath!

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From: "Catherine Tullner"
Date: March 25, 2006 12:27:11 AM PST
Subject: Mensa 2005 Winners

Mensa Invitational

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to  
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or  
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

  Here are this year's 2005 winners:

  1. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

  2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts  
until you realize it was your money to start with.

  3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops  
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows  
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

  4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

  5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the  
person who doesn't get it.

  6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

  7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

  8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

  9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these  
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's  
like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day  
consuming only things that are good for you.

  11. Glibido: All talk and no action.

  12. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter,  
when they come at you rapidly.

  13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after  
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

  14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into  
yourbedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

  15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm  
in the fruit you're eating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Also ... Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning  
submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to  
supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

  1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

  2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

  3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

  4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

  5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.

  6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent- 
mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

  7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

  8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

  9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you  
are run over by a steamroller.

  10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

  11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

  12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by  
proctologists.

  13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.

  14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with  
Yiddishisms.

  15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) [back by popular demand]: The belief  
that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck  
there.


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Amandeep Jawa
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deep at worker-bee.com
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San Francisco, CA 94110-2320

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