SOCIAL: FW: Keep Hopelessness Alive!

[Amy Tanner]

As Homer Simpson put it so well:  It's funny cuz it's true!  (sigh)

>From The Onion, February 27, 2006 | Issue 42*09
>
>Democrats Vow Not To Give Up Hopelessness
>
>WASHINGTON, DC-In a press conference on the steps of the Capitol Monday,
>Congressional Democrats announced that, despite the scandals plaguing the
>Republican Party and widespread calls for change in Washington, their party
>will remain true to its hopeless direction.
>
>"We are entirely capable of bungling this opportunity to regain control of
>the House and Senate and the trust of the American people," Senate Minority
>Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said to scattered applause. "It will take some
>doing, but we're in this for the long and pointless haul."
>
>House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi reaffirms the Democratic Party's promise
>to remain marginalized.
>
>"We can lose this," Reid added. "All it takes is a little lack of 
>backbone."
>
>Despite plummeting poll numbers for the G.O.P nationwide and an upcoming
>election in which all House seats and 33 Senate seats are up for 
>contention,
>Democrats pledged to maintain their party's sheepish resignation.
>
>"In times like these, when the American public is palpably dismayed with 
>the
>political status quo, it is crucial that Democrats remain unfocused and
>defer to the larger, smarter, and better-equipped Republican machine," 
>House
>Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said. "If we play our cards right, we
>will be intimidated to the point of total paralysis."
>
>Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-CT) cited the Bush Administration's bungled response
>to Hurricane Katrina as a model for Democrats.
>
>"Grandmothers drowning in nursing homes, families losing everything,
>communities torn apart-and the ruling party just sat and watched," 
>Lieberman
>said. "I'm here to promise that we Democrats will find a way to let you 
>down
>just like that."
>
>According to Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA), Democrats are not willing to 
>sacrifice
>their core values-indecision, incoherence, and disorganization-for the sake
>of short-term electoral gain.
>
>"Don't lose faithlessness, Democrats," Kennedy said. "The next election is
>ours to lose. To those who say we can't, I say: Remember Michael Dukakis.
>Remember Al Gore. Remember John Kerry."
>
>Kennedy said that, even if the Democrats were to regain the upper hand in
>the midterm elections, they would still need to agree on a platform and
>chart a legislative agenda-an obstacle he called "insurmountable."
>
>"Universal health care, the war in Iraq, civil liberties, a living wage, 
>gun
>control-we're not even close to a consensus within our own ranks," Kennedy
>said. "And even if we were, we wouldn't know how to implement that
>consensus."
>
>Democratic Party faithful cheer on their leaders' resolutely defeatist
>agenda.
>
>"Some rising stars with leadership potential like [Sen. Barack] Obama 
>(D-IL)
>and [New York State Attorney General Eliot] Spitzer have emerged, but don't
>worry: We've still got some infight left in us," Democratic National
>Committee Chairman Howard Dean said. "Over the last decade, we've found a
>reliably losing formula, and we're sticking with it."
>
>Dean reminded Democratic candidates to "stay on our unclear message,
>maintain a defensive, reactive posture, and keep an elitist distance from
>voters."
>
>Political consultant and Democratic operative James Carville said that, if
>properly disseminated, the message of hopelessness could be the Democrats'
>most effective in more than a decade.
>
>"For the first time in a long time, we're really connecting with the
>American people, who are also feeling hopeless," Carville said. "If we can
>harness that and run on it in '06, I believe we can finish a strong 
>second."
>
>
>
>__________________________________
>
>Rebecca J. Long
>Legislative Analyst
>Metropolitan Transportation Commission
>Joseph P. Bort Metro Center
>101 Eighth Street
>Oakland, CA 94607
>
>510-817-5889 (phone)
>510-817-5848 (fax)
>www.mtc.ca.gov
>
>